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I used to be at a homeschool mother’s meetup lately (sure, I’m a homeschool mother), and I used to be listening to numerous the man moms speak about their previous relationships and the issues that have been pink flags to them, or just annoyances. Over time, I began to see themes emerge particular to every mom’s Enneagram sort. The Ones craved punctuality and a way of ethical fortitude. The Twos wished somebody who may open up, talk extra, and affirm their efforts. This expertise gave me the thought to survey my electronic mail listing of 86,000 subscribers to unearth the most important relationship turn-offs for every of the Enneagram sorts. These insights can hopefully assist us to see what’s essential to every of the kinds, and learn how to keep away from inadvertently offending them, both in a romantic or platonic relationship.
Unsure what your Enneagram sort is? Take our free questionnaire right here
Kind 1 – The Perfectionist
Ones have a powerful sense of what’s proper or incorrect, right or incorrect, moral or unethical. They maintain themselves to excessive requirements and respect others who do the identical. One Enneagram 1 who responded to my survey mentioned, “I don’t prefer it in the event that they don’t care about being good, if they’ve a ‘I don’t care’ type of angle, I don’t like that.”
This One’s sentiments have been echoed by fairly just a few different Ones as properly. They need somebody who’s going to take the connection significantly, have a wholesome dose of respect, and have targets and ambitions in life. When Ones see a difficulty with somebody, they have a tendency to attempt to push folks to repair what’s ‘damaged’, set issues straight, and enhance. They get upset and irritated when it appears like the opposite particular person is dropping the ball or being irresponsible, leaving them with extra to do than they’d initially anticipated. “Say what you imply, and comply with by means of on it” can be a powerful message of this Enneatype.
The Greatest Flip-Offs for Enneagram Ones:
- Irresponsibility
- Lack of punctuality
- Vulgarity
- Rudeness
- Disorganization
- Poor hygiene
- Lack of motivation
- Disrespect
- Unfairness
- Messiness
- Manipulation
- Unjust criticism
Discover out extra about Ones: Uncovering the Childhood Wounds of Each Enneagram Kind
Kind 2 – The Helper
Twos naturally sense what different folks want, how they’re feeling, and step in to supply help and encouragement. Usually empathetic and beneficiant, Twos need to really feel wanted, revered, and beloved for who they honestly are in a relationship. Frequent heart-to-heart talks, heat cuddles, and affirmation for his or her efforts is essential. One Two responded to my survey saying, “Being single in right this moment’s world is difficult and sometimes discouraging; folks appear to depend on very impersonal methods to make what appears like solely momentary/tentative relationships… even superficial.” I noticed this sentiment being echoed by different Twos, who wished their companions would simply “put down the cellphone” and be current with them, or who discovered it troublesome to seek out dates who have been invested in dialog or significant actions.
When Twos want one thing in a relationship, it may be troublesome for them to ask for assist. Usually they serve others within the methods they need to be served, however some companions aren’t conscious of this, and easily hold taking, with out reciprocating. Being direct about wants and needs is one thing many Twos need to work on. That mentioned, some unhealthy Twos can attain some extent the place they’re continually complaining about unmet wants and desires, passive-aggressively manipulating conditions, or “giving to get”. However wholesome Twos shall be direct about what they need with out moving into passive-aggressive or manipulative behaviors.
The Greatest Flip-Offs for Enneagram Threes:
- Withdrawn, indifferent conduct
- Negativity
- Being inauthentic or dishonest
- Sport-playing
- Yelling or aggressiveness
- Rudeness
- Comparisons
- Self-obsession
- Workaholism
- Controlling, jealous conduct
- Lack of appreciation
Discover out extra about Twos: What You Craved As a Youngster, Based mostly On Your Enneagram Kind
Kind 3 – The Achiever
Threes are recognized for his or her drive, ambition, and the need to be perceived as profitable. They’re adaptable, expert at molding themselves into no matter they have to be to get the job finished, they usually thrive on achievement and profitable. Nevertheless, this adaptability can generally result in them feeling as if they need to keep a “masks” or persona to realize approval, making vulnerability a big problem in intimate relationships. A Three from my survey shared, “I discover it extraordinarily off-putting when somebody has no drive or ambition. It’s like they’re content material with mediocrity, and that simply doesn’t sit proper with me. I can also’t stand it when somebody is consistently unfavourable or enjoying the sufferer; it feels draining.” This sentiment is one that almost all Threes will relate to; anybody who lacks imaginative and prescient or intrinsic motivation to profit from life tends to be a bit boring and unimpressive to them.
In relationships, Threes yearn for companions who see past their achievements and the persona they venture to the world. They search real connection, appreciation for his or her genuine selves, and encouragement to decelerate and be current. Acknowledgment of their efforts—not simply their successes—is essential.
The Greatest Flip-Offs for Enneagram Threes:
- Neediness
- Attempting too onerous to impress
- Sufferer mentality
- Fixed negativity or complaining
- Superficiality
- Lack of ambition or drive
- Laziness and irresponsibility
- Indecisiveness and inefficiency
- Impolite and insulting conduct
- Unmotivated, listless angle
Discover out extra about Threes: Right here’s What You Discover Proper Away, Based mostly On Your Enneagram Kind
Kind 4 – The Individualist
Fours have a deep longing to be understood and seen for who they honestly are, craving for real connections that respect their uniqueness and depth. They need to discover a accomplice who sees the true them, not a one-dimensional picture that they really feel the remainder of the world sees. They’re usually inventive, expressive, and drawn to authenticity, prizing emotional honesty and individuality in themselves and others. A 4 in my survey expressed, “I really feel disconnected when folks don’t make an effort to grasp me on a deeper degree. It’s irritating when others dismiss my emotions or don’t respect the nuances of who I’m.” This sentiment is one which many Fours will relate to. They need to be with somebody who stops and listens after they have one thing to say, who sees beneath the outer look to the sweetness and darkness of who they’re. The great, the, dangerous, and the ugly, and loves them simply the identical.
In relationships, Fours need companions who’re prepared to discover the depths of feelings and respect the intricacies of their complicated internal world. They thrive in environments that enable for emotional expression and understanding. Being seen and beloved for his or her genuine self, flaws and all, is paramount.
The Greatest Flip-Offs for Enneagram Fours:
- Vanity and bragging
- Shallow, superficial interactions
- Clinginess or jealousy
- Judgmental attitudes
- Not feeling understood or appreciated
- Lack of compassion and empathy
- Possessiveness and domineering conduct
- Hypocrisy and dishonesty
- Poor listening abilities, not being really heard
- Phoniness or inauthentic conduct
Discover out extra about Fours: Right here’s What You’re Like When You’re Indignant, Based mostly On Your Enneagram Kind
Kind 5 – The Investigator
Fives are on a relentless quest to assemble data, study extra, and analyze the world to make sense of all of it. They have a tendency to affiliate with their ideas greater than their emotions, and desire a accomplice who can dive down varied mental rabbit holes with them. Fives worth their independence and autonomy, they usually’ll rapidly put on out if they’ve numerous social obligations or a accomplice who’s needy or jealous in any method. A 5 from my survey talked about, “I discover it extraordinarily irritating when folks can’t interact in a logical dialogue or depend on emotional reasoning for every thing. It appears like a waste of time if the dialog doesn’t have substance.”
In relationships, Fives search for companions who respect their want for area and perceive their ardour for data and mental exploration. They thrive with people who can interact in stimulating mental discussions and share their thirst for understanding the deeper elements of the world. Simply don’t barge in on them unannounced!
The Greatest Flip-Offs for Enneagram Fives:
- Illogical reasoning
- Self-centeredness
- Shallowness
- Senseless chatter
- Overbearing, clingy conduct
- Dishonesty
- Superficiality
- Vanity and bragging
- Entitlement
- Closed-mindedness
- Consideration-seeking conduct
- Intrusiveness
- Manipulation
Discover out extra about Fives: Methods to Impress Every Enneagram Kind
Kind 6 – The Loyalist
Sixes need somebody they’ll rely on, somebody who reveals up after they say they are going to, and proves time and time once more that their phrase could be trusted. Sixes are recognized for his or her loyalty, they usually desire a accomplice who gives the identical steadiness. A Six from my survey said, “I want somebody who will take heed to my worries and take them significantly, who will talk about my emotions with me, to not dismiss them, however to assist me type by means of the problems in my head.” Sixes are inclined to cope with numerous worries and considerations, however the worst factor you are able to do is brush them off or act prefer it’s “all of their head.” Take them significantly, but additionally don’t bounce on the worry-train with them and add extra gasoline to the fireplace.
In relationships, Sixes desire a accomplice who isn’t just emotionally current however who additionally reveal their reliability by means of actions. They discover consolation in predictability and sincerity, somebody they’ll rely on, who’s phrases add up, and who dangers being overly sincere, even when it at instances it backfires, slightly than being too secretive, manipulative, or inconsistent.
The Greatest Flip-Offs for Enneagram Sixes:
- Self-centeredness
- Disrespect
- Dishonesty
- Untrustworthiness
- Controlling conduct
- Unreliability
- Lack of punctuality
- Inconsistency
- Lack of responsiveness
- Not taking them significantly
- Lack of integrity
Discover out extra about Sixes: How Every Enneagram Kind Guards Their Hearts
Kind 7 – The Fanatic
Sevens are the quintessential adventurers of the Enneagram, at all times on the hunt for brand new experiences and prospects. My husband is a Seven, and I feel he comes up with a brand new enterprise thought, journey journey, or venture to work on each day. Sevens crave freedom and selection, not only for thrills, however for the enjoyment of the journey and the joy of figuring out an journey is simply across the nook. A Seven in my survey shared, “I really feel boxed in when somebody tries to dampen my enthusiasm with negativity or limitations. I desire a accomplice in enjoyable, somebody to brainstorm with me, not somebody who continually shuts out my concepts.” Sevens crave companions who’re prepared to dream with them, to discover the vastness of prospects the world has to supply with out imposing restrictions or dwelling on the unfavourable.
In relationships, Sevens search for companions who’re as vigorous and optimistic as they’re, who can sustain with their quick tempo and share of their multitude of pursuits. They worth spontaneity and a humorousness, wanting somebody who can snicker together with them and never take life too significantly.
The Greatest Flip-Offs for Enneagram Sevens:
- Bossiness and authoritarian attitudes
- Guilt-tripping and manipulation
- Moping and protracted negativity
- Blaming others and shirking private duty
- Self-aggrandizing conduct and conceitedness
- Condescension and speaking right down to others
- Yelling and aggressive confrontations
- Poor hygiene and lack of self-care
- Smothering conduct and clinginess
- Lack of humor and taking themselves too significantly
- Making assumptions and leaping to conclusions
- Setting inflexible limits and attempting to manage their freedom
- Not having the ability to take a joke or respect lightheartedness
Discover out extra about Sevens: What Your Interior Youngster Must Hear, Based mostly On Your Enneagram Kind
Kind 8 – The Challenger
Eights are all about taking motion, being assertive, and going after what they need with power and energy. They method life with depth and vigor, at all times able to tackle a problem. My dad is an Eight, and he’ll say what he thinks so bluntly that generally it’s terrifying, however that very same honesty means he stands up for what he believes in even when everybody else is doing one thing completely different. Eights search reality and justice, they usually respect companions who share their easy method. An Eight from my survey talked about, “I can’t stand it when folks beat across the bush or present any type of indecisiveness. I want somebody who’s clear about what they need and isn’t afraid to say it.” In relationships, Eights search for people who’re unbiased, assertive, and sincere. They thrive with companions who can match their power and stand by their aspect, not behind them.
Eights worth direct communication and discover authenticity extremely enticing. They’re naturally protecting of these they care about, however they should know you may maintain your individual. They’ve little endurance for pretense or manipulation and like relationships which might be constructed on mutual respect and full honesty.
The Greatest Flip-Offs for Enneagram Eights:
- Controlling conduct
- Neediness
- Manipulation
- Timidity
- Individuals who can’t arise for themselves
- Selfishness
- Untrustworthiness
- Pushovers
- Indirectness
- Disloyalty
- Complaining
- Unfairness
Discover out extra about Eights: The Lie Every Enneagram Kind Believes, and Methods to Keep away from It
Kind 9 – The Peacemaker
Nines are the peace-loving, tranquil sorts within the Enneagram. They need a accomplice who appreciates their calm, open-minded nature, and doesn’t mess it up with unneeded drama or battle. My mother is a 9, and he or she has this ceaseless need for everybody to get alongside and see the very best in one another. Nothing is worse for her, or any 9, then a bunch of battle and folks misunderstanding one another. Nines search to keep away from battle and worth a accomplice who respects their need for peace, somebody who brings stability slightly than chaos into their lives. A 9 from my survey shared, “I respect when somebody respects my want for quiet and private area, with out making me really feel responsible for it. I hate it when folks barge in on me or make numerous calls for on my time.”
In relationships, Nines search for companions who’re secure and compassionate. They thrive with people who find themselves empathetic and thoughtful, making the setting really feel secure sufficient for the 9 to be open about who they are surely inside.
The Greatest Flip-Offs for Enneagram Nines:
- Manipulation
- Vanity
- Displaying off
- Anger points
- Domineering conduct
- Being overly distracted by a cellphone or pill
- Being pressured
- Ignoring them
- Being dishonest
- Being overly important
- Creating drama
- Smothering them or invading their area
Discover out extra about Nines: The Self-Care You Truly Want, Based mostly On Your Enneagram Kind
What Are Your Ideas?
What resonates with you in these descriptions? Do you see your self or your family members mirrored in these sorts? Perhaps you’ve got tales or experiences which might be completely different from these views. We’d love to listen to your ideas and insights. Tell us within the feedback!
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