By Leo Babauta

Once we are procrastinating, avoiding train or another behavior we wish to create, or avoiding taking over a tough venture … the underlying trigger isn’t what we expect it’s.

We predict that each one we have to do is do the factor we’re avoiding, and cease procrastinating. Easy! However then once we fail, we marvel what’s improper with us.

The issue is that we aren’t actually addressing the true trigger. We’re addressing the symptom, and whereas there are strategies that may assist with the symptom, they not often final for very lengthy.

So what causes our avoidance? An underlying emotional present. Some sort of internal state.

Let me stroll you thru it:

• You’re feeling a sure method — due to the best way your life goes, you could be feeling overwhelmed, anxious, afraid, unhappy, lonely, emotionally exhausted, annoyed, battered by life.
• You resist that emotional state — you don’t wish to really feel that method, so that you resist letting your self really feel it. This resistance is often within the type of distraction, like on-line distraction, busywork, messaging, and so forth.
• Dealing with tough issues is more durable on this emotional state — turning towards a tough venture, or clearing litter, or coping with a thousand emails … these are all overwhelming in one of the best of instances. However being in a tough emotional state makes it even more durable. No marvel we’re avoiding!
• We attempt to overcome our avoidance with techniques — we attempt to coerce ourselves to do the factor we’re avoiding, with techniques. “No distractions, solely work immediately!” And it typically works, however as a result of the underlying emotional state hasn’t been addressed, it by no means lasts lengthy. We return to avoidance.
• This makes us really feel unhealthy, and worsens the underlying emotional state — we really feel unhealthy about ourselves once we revert to avoidance. This solely provides to no matter emotional state was already there. Return to step one above, and repeat, with some added emotional stress!

Any of this sound acquainted? It’s what we’re all going by means of, day-after-day, often with out understanding it. Even when we’re conscious, we’re not often really going through it, as a result of we’re resisting the emotional state.

So the 2 issues to handle are:

1. We’re unaware of the emotional state inflicting avoidance.
2. We resist the emotion, whether or not we’re conscious of it or not.

Let’s discuss tips on how to deal with these points, so we will deal with the true reason behind avoidance.

Bringing Consciousness to the Inside State

The hot button is to note while you’re avoiding one thing. Is there a venture, activity, dialog, or private behavior you’re laying aside?

Alternatively, you can discover that you just’re caught up in distraction — messaging, social media, electronic mail, busywork, Youtube, Netflix, information websites, boards, and so forth. Doing just a little of that is all the time cool, however in case you are caught up doing it lots, then it is a signal you’re most likely avoiding.

When you discover your avoiding or caught up in distraction … see when you can discover your underlying internal state. Are you feeling unhappy, grieving or lonely? Overwhelmed, afraid, anxious? Pissed off, indignant, resentful, burdened? Damage, unloved, unseen?

At this level, you don’t need to do something in regards to the emotional state. Simply discover. The extra you carry consciousness, the extra you’ll be capable of deal with it sooner or later.

Not Resisting the Emotion

If you happen to’re avoiding or caught in distraction, it’s an excellent guess that you just’re resisting the emotion. That implies that you don’t wish to really feel it — you are feeling there’s one thing improper with feeling unhappy, indignant, anxious, and so forth. In your head, you may suppose there’s nothing improper with these emotions … however there’s part of you that doesn’t wish to really feel them. Possibly you suppose you may’t deal with it, or it’s too exhausting.

There’s nothing improper with resisting the emotion. It’s human to withstand! However so long as we’re resisting it, it can have an influence over us, and avoidance turns into unavoidable.

If you happen to’re up for letting go of your resistance, the follow is simply to let your self really feel the emotion. Simply really feel unhappy, lonely, anxious, annoyed. Sit in stillness for a couple of minutes, and simply let your self really feel it. The primary instruction is to chill out — let your physique and thoughts chill out, because the emotion comes up.

Give up to the emotion. It’s not often that tough, and can often solely final for a minute or three. If it’s too intense, you may cease — do one thing to take your thoughts off it.

Whether or not you’re capable of give up to it or not, give your self a couple of minutes of self-care after. Give your self compassion, love, a pleasant heat cup of tea. Get a hug from somebody, or speak to a pal or therapist. And acknowledge your self for no matter you have been capable of do.

How To not Keep away from

Placing this all collectively, right here’s tips on how to create a shift so that you aren’t avoiding as a lot … 

Discover while you’re avoiding or caught in distraction.

Discover the underlying internal emotional state.

Give up to the emotional state, letting your self really feel it. Calm down.

Give your self some love and self-care.

When you’ve executed that, you have to be a lot clearer. Now see in case your coronary heart is extra open to taking over what you’re avoiding.

Simply do 5 minutes of what you’re avoiding, to begin with, to present your self an emotional victory. It’ll open your coronary heart much more.

Dance in victory!