Years in the past, Bonnie Hammer, vice chairman of NBCUniversal, was at Common Studios in Orlando, the place she accepted an invite to experience the “daunting” Jurassic World VelociCoaster. She seen as soon as she was on the experience that she was surrounded by males laughing and screaming. She was the one girl on the experience—and it wasn’t as a result of the opposite girls had been scared, she says—no less than not of the experience itself. “The worry was about not being taken critically,” she explains. 

On Might 7, she’s releasing a guide referred to as 15 Lies Girls Are Instructed At Work… and the Reality We Have to Succeed. 

“It has lengthy been a false impression that to reach the office, girls should keep of their lanes and take pains to not combine work with play,” Hammer says. “However my profession has taught me the precise reverse. Whereas excited about this, it additionally compelled me to consider all of the misconceptions and, frankly, lies that ladies are consistently being instructed about succeeding at work. As soon as I began, I couldn’t cease.”

The New York Instances has referred to as her “The Queen of Cable TV” for a purpose, and he or she’s navigated a male-dominated business all through her profession. 

7 Lies Girls Have Been Instructed at Work

So, within the spirit of Hammer’s guide and mission, we reached out to different girls throughout quite a few industries to search out out what lies they’ve been instructed. Right here’s what they needed to say. 

THE LIE #1

Don’t fear about your seems to be—that’s shallow. However positively nonetheless put on make-up at work.

Eliza VanCort, transformation trainer and writer of A Girl’s Information to Claiming House: Stand Tall. Increase Your Voice. Be Heard. | New York

“There may be all types of analysis that ladies who’re terribly stunning really aren’t taken as critically, however [at the same time], girls who don’t have a sure stage of what can be thought-about mainstream attractiveness have a a lot tougher time rising of their profession. You must be sitting proper on this squishy center the place you’re fairly however not too fairly. It is advisable put on make-up, however it may’t be too dramatic.”

THE TRUTH

“The way in which to interrupt this type of poisonous messaging is for girls to band collectively and alter the narrative. If we discover ourselves having a very destructive response to a different girl, we are able to ask ourselves if we’d have the identical response if she regarded in a different way.”

THE LIE #2

You possibly can’t “have all of it” as a working dad or mum.

Sonia Petkewich, founder and group chief at Catalyst Mastermind Collaborative | Nevada

“Whilst instances have modified from when our moms entered the workforce—and I’m turning 50 this 12 months—girls are nonetheless being made to really feel responsible for eager to have profitable careers and be moms.”

THE TRUTH

“Working girls are stunning examples of having the ability to do each. The ladies I work [with]… have shared that having a profession feeds their souls, they usually discover [it] helps their total psychological well being be in a greater area to be the perfect mom for his or her kids. When kids see their mom discovering pleasure and succeeding in her work, they’re blissful and have a powerful instance of ambition and success.”

THE LIE #3

You must sacrifice your private life for profession acceleration and success.

Arivee Vargas, a first-generation Latina lawyer, podcast host, life coach and mom | Massachusetts

“The message that it’s a must to sacrifice the private for the skilled perpetuates the notion that ladies should prioritize one over the opposite the entire time, and that ‘steadiness’ just isn’t attainable. I choose the phrase ‘concord,’ which reinforces the concept of a perfect association or configuration that produces a desired end result. You get to determine the way you configure your complete life.” 

THE TRUTH

“You don’t have to decide on between a profitable profession and a satisfying private life. You possibly can have each. 

The secret is to get clear on what issues most to you personally and professionally presently—not what would possibly matter sooner or later and never what ‘ought to’ matter to you. Then double down on these priorities in the interim and be intentional about your actions in order that they replicate these priorities.

If you wish to go for the promotion, tackle a extremely seen venture or tackle a development alternative that may develop your talent set. You recognize it is going to be extra of a peak interval by way of vitality and time, [so] configure your private life so that you just’re nonetheless capable of spend the time and vitality on the folks and issues that deliver you essentially the most pleasure and achievement. Say ‘no thanks’ to every little thing that doesn’t align with what you’ve determined to be laser-focused on.”

THE LIE #4

You possibly can’t be emotional if you wish to be taken critically.

Nikki Harmless, holistic coach for profession, life and interpersonal change and founding father of Inclusive Management Collective | New York

“If you happen to grew up with ‘there’s no crying in baseball’ from A League of Their Personal as a part of your popular culture references to how girls are welcome in a person’s world, it’s no marvel so many people really feel like now we have to shove down, masks or detach from our feelings to get by. For ladies particularly, the emotion that holds a lot energy is anger, however it’s been positioned as one thing that’s unladylike or one thing to really feel ashamed about. Boys are given the emotion of anger as acceptable and girls are given unhappiness.”

THE TRUTH

“After I work with girls, I reintroduce them to the facility of their feelings and encourage them to make use of robust emotional responses as clues and key intel on how they’re feeling about one thing, but in addition what they genuinely wish to do subsequent. We’re such nuanced, sophisticated beings, and our feelings are a part of the key sauce of what makes us human. 

The opposite factor that permitting your self to be weak and present emotion does by way of interacting with others is, it opens up pathways for real connection, shared experiences and collective assist. After we are capable of share how our feelings have come into play, it provides us extra data and alternative to resolve battle, determine areas of alignment and resonance and areas primed for development and launch.”

THE LIE #5

You’ll be extra profitable in case you emulate stereotypical male behaviors.

Jade Kearney, CEO and co-founder of She Issues, a digital well being platform and authority in Black maternal well being | New York

“In my private expertise fundraising, I’ve been instructed by each women and men again and again that it’s unattainable for Black girls to boost $1 million or extra, and that Black girls can’t increase the identical amount of cash as males. That’s as a result of in case you have a look at the statistics, lower than 0.5% of Black girls founders have raised VC funds. Even girls say this as a result of they’ve been conditioned to purchase into the Silicon Valley patriarchal established order.”

THE TRUTH

“I feel it’s the precise reverse—girls needs to be themselves. Authenticity and happiness result in the perfect sort of success. If you happen to consider in your resolution, yow will discover success. I’m dwelling proof of that.”

THE LIE #6

If you happen to communicate up or advocate for your self, it is going to be seen as self-promoting.

Monica Xuereb, chief industrial officer, Loews Accommodations & Co a luxurious resort model | Florida

“Girls usually have a tougher time talking up and advocating for themselves, as they don’t wish to be perceived as aggressive, pushy or immodest.”

THE TRUTH

“Early on in my profession, I used to be given alternatives to start out presenting in entrance of senior management. This gave me the boldness to start out expressing my opinions and strategies along with the core content material I used to be talking about. I grew to become snug talking up in conferences total, usually articulating the ideas that others had been reluctant to voice. Though by no means straightforward, self-advocacy grew to become a pure extension for me to speak my accomplishments, skills, objectives and most significantly, my want for development.”

THE LIE #7

It’s OK to accept much less.

Franchesca Van Buren, founder and CEO of Perception Remedy Options | Nevada

“Too lots of these moments and fairly quickly you gained’t have the boldness to go after something that is perhaps a stretch. And the way can anybody succeed underneath these circumstances?”

THE TRUTH

“It’s not OK to accept much less, whether or not in your wage, your place or the duties you might be given at work, the respect you already know you deserve, and so forth. Each time you accept one thing lower than you deserve, it colours your id and self-worth in a destructive manner.” 

Bonnie Hammer’s 15 Lies Girls Are Instructed at Work hits cabinets Might seventh

Hammer says she hopes that when girls end studying her guide about lies they may, “Shut the guide, pour themselves a glass of wine (or my favourite, tequila), increase it and let loose a loud ‘HELL YEAH.’”

“Severely, my hope is that this guide will present girls with the instruments to counter all of the wrong-headed company clichés which have held them again within the office,” she provides. “I need them to grab alternatives and take management of their very own tales, writing their subsequent chapters to create careers—and dwell lives—that match their true potential. As a result of, consider me, we are able to make it occur: A office the place assured, assured, empowered girls are in all places you look—all the best way as much as the C-suite.”

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