Home Self Care 4 Sensible Steps To Overcome The Worry Of Disappointment (better of the podcast)

4 Sensible Steps To Overcome The Worry Of Disappointment (better of the podcast)

4 Sensible Steps To Overcome The Worry Of Disappointment (better of the podcast)


In at the moment’s episode I’m going to be sharing 4 sensible steps that’ll enable you overcome the concern of disappointment. 

This is without doubt one of the greatest episodes of the podcast. This episode was initially revealed in 2021 and was very fashionable so I wished to share it with you once more.

The concern of disappointment is one thing that the majority perfectionists are very conversant in. When your perfectionism handbrake has been on for a very long time – you’ve disenchanted your self, you’ve let your self down, you’ve given up on objectives and also you’ve not adopted by means of on plans.

It could actually come to be that you simply develop the concern of disappointing your self once more sooner or later. And then you definately begin to do all kinds of extraordinary issues to attempt to keep away from disappointing your self once more. However this plan doesn’t work out as a result of what you find yourself doing is creating extra disappointment and you continue to aren’t reaching your objectives. 

Tune into at the moment’s episode to be taught 4 sensible steps to beat the concern of disappointment.

Discover the total episode transcript and present notes at samlaurabrown.com/episode443.

In This Episode You’ll Be taught:

  • The true motive you are feeling disenchanted once you don’t obtain your objectives
  • Whether or not it’s price attempting to keep away from feeling disenchanted
  • Why setting sensible objectives gained’t enable you to keep away from disappointment
  • My 4 step course of for overcoming the concern of disappointment

Featured In The Episode:

Free Coaching: How To Plan Correctly As A Perfectionist With Energy Planning

If you wish to get shit accomplished with out burning out, I invite you to look at the free coaching I’ve created on learn how to plan correctly as a perfectionist with Energy Planning. By the top of the collection, you’ll be prepared to start out utilizing Energy Planning at the moment to get your perfectionist mindset in your facet so you will get out of your personal approach. Go to samlaurabrown.com/plan to look at the coaching at the moment.

Take The Perfectionism Quiz To Get Your Personalised Perfectionism Rating

In case you’re unsure whether or not perfectionism is what’s making you get in your personal approach, I invite you to take The Perfectionism Quiz. 

After working with over 1,000 perfectionist entrepreneurs, I created this free quiz so you will get your personalised perfectionism rating and uncover which of the 5 areas of perfectionism you’ll most profit from engaged on overcoming essentially the most: whether or not it’s overthinking, procrastination, burnout, all-or-nothing considering or concern of judgement.

It takes lower than 3 minutes to get your distinctive outcome and be one step nearer to getting shit accomplished with out burning out. In case you love studying about your self and also you’re able to get out of your personal approach, go to samlaurabrown.com/quiz to take the quiz at the moment. 

Work With Me:

My teaching program Perfectionists Getting Shit Achieved (aka PGSD) teaches you learn how to plan correctly as a perfectionist so you will get out of your personal approach in your corporation. To seek out out extra about this system and be the primary to know when the doorways open, be part of the waitlist at the moment: samlaurabrown.com/pgsd.

Pay attention To The Episode

Hearken to the episode on the participant above, click on right here to obtain the episode and take it with you or hear anyplace you usually take heed to podcasts – simply discover Episode 443 of The Perfectionism Undertaking Podcast!

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Hello and welcome to a different episode of The Perfectionism Undertaking, a podcast filled with perfectionism recommendation for entrepreneurs. My title is Sam Laura Brown, I assist entrepreneurs launch their perfectionism handbrake to allow them to get out of their very own approach and construct a satisfying and worthwhile enterprise. I’m the founding father of the Perfectionist Getting Shit Achieved group teaching program, which is in any other case referred to as PGSD. And for much more perfectionism recommendation that can assist you with your corporation. You possibly can comply with me on Instagram @perfectionismproject

Renae (Intro)
I simply wished to inform you just a little bit about this episode. So Sam really recorded this episode again in 2021. And again then Sam referred to objectives as unattainable objectives as an alternative of what we now know, is named development objectives. However that is such a useful episode and was a very fashionable, you’re gonna hear Sam actually break down the 4 sensible steps to beat the concern of disappointment. So please get pleasure from.

Sam Laura Brown
At present I need to speak to you about 4 sensible steps to beat the concern of disappointment. This concern is one thing that the majority perfectionists are very conversant in, when our perfectionism handbrake has been on, particularly when it’s been on for a very long time, we now have let ourselves down, we now have disenchanted ourselves, we’ve given up on objectives we’ve not adopted by means of with plans. And so it may come to be that we develop this concern of disappointing ourselves sooner or later. After which we do all kinds of extraordinary issues to attempt to keep away from disappointing ourselves, but it surely doesn’t work out.

As a result of what we find yourself doing, really solely finally ends up creating extra disappointment as a result of we’re not fulfilling our potential, we’re not reaching our objectives. In order that’s why I need to speak to you about learn how to overcome the concern of disappointment, if that is one thing that has been stopping you from actually making progress with your corporation, and it in all probability has been in case your perfectionism handbrake has been on.

So I need to firstly discuss what can occur, what are a few of these issues that we do to keep away from disappointing ourselves sooner or later, the temptation is to set no objectives, or to haven’t any plan. So notably this comes up with aim setting and planning and that form of planning facet of issues, that we’ll simply haven’t any objectives, no plans, in order that it’s not even unattainable to disappoint ourselves. As a result of we don’t even know what we wished ourselves to do, is that complete thought of no expectations, no disappointment, like no objectives, no disappointment, no plans, no disappointment.

Clearly, that doesn’t actually work. As a result of it’s very disappointing to not be striving in direction of one thing that doesn’t precisely create the dream life, we form of assume it’s going to. However we now have no objectives or no plans. Or what we would do is have actually imprecise objectives, or have imprecise plans. And this may be arduous to catch. As a result of generally we expect they’re particular sufficient. We expect issues like go full time in my enterprise, make more cash get match and wholesome. We expect these are particular sufficient, however they’re not. So we now have these imprecise objectives and imprecise plans. So once more, we are able to’t actually inform if we’ve disenchanted ourselves, then we would additionally strategy it by having so much on our plate.

So we may have a number of objectives suddenly attempting to do this complete life makeover. Or we are going to over plan and put approach an excessive amount of on our plate. And this won’t sound like a technique to keep away from disappointment. However what occurs is when we now have a lot on our plate on the similar time, we now have an out we now have one thing accountable, for lack of success. So as an alternative of being disenchanted with our lack of skill, we are able to as an alternative say, properly, I might have accomplished higher with that aim, if I wasn’t so busy with the opposite one, and that one would have been higher if I wasn’t so busy with this one.

And we form of get to really feel busy and productive with out ever having to essentially really feel disenchanted about our personal lack of skill. However these methods don’t work. We’re going to speak about what to do as an alternative of I simply need you to be interested by whether or not you will have been doing any of these issues to attempt to keep away from disappointment. The opposite factor I need to point out on the subject of disappointment earlier than I get into the 4 sensible steps, is that disappointment isn’t one thing that simply robotically occurs. And I feel that is one thing that over time, I’ve at all times been pissed off by once I hear different individuals say you have to set sensible objectives. In any other case, you’ll simply be disenchanted.

As if disappointment is one thing that’s created outdoors of ourselves and simply occurs to us and we’re helpless to stopping it. It’s not the case. Disappointment is a sense and our emotions come from our ideas. It may be that these ideas you will have that create disappointment are so computerized and fast and recurring. that you simply don’t even recognise as a thought happening, it simply feels such as you go straight to disappointment. So positively we are able to expertise it, because it coming from outdoors of us it coming from the failure it coming from the rejection, and coming from the dearth of progress. Nevertheless it comes from our ideas.

And we are able to do issues to have totally different ideas. However I need to point out, I’m going to be speaking about this once more later, that simply because feeling disenchanted, and different adverse emotions come from our ideas, doesn’t imply we should always by no means really feel adverse emotions. It’s very simple to enter properly, now I do know that my ideas create my emotions. So I ought to by no means have a nasty feeling once more, as a result of that simply means I’m considering in a sloppy approach and that I ought to be having optimistic ideas and to essentially put this burden and expectation on ourselves that as a result of we’re conscious of the place our emotions come from, that now we should always by no means have a nasty feeling. And that we should always be capable to keep away from all unhealthy emotions.

And that isn’t the case, our mind continues to be going to have adverse, quote unquote, ideas. No matter how a lot private improvement work we’re doing, how a lot self enchancment we’re doing. And it’s not even wholesome to attempt to get out of these adverse ideas on a regular basis or to attempt to keep away from them. So I’m going to be speaking about what to do once you really feel disenchanted and to really let your self really feel that. Nevertheless it does come from our ideas, that feeling of disappointment. So there are such a lot of methods that we attempt to implement, I’ve talked about a few of them with a aim, setting the planning, to attempt to keep away from this sense that we expect is computerized. However when you possibly can actually take duty for that feeling. And you’ll recognise it, you’re the one producing that feeling. You can even change that feeling.

If you wish to, after you will have course of that feeling I’ve at all times not favored the saying no expectations, no disappointment. To me, that’s a very disappointing solution to dwell with it, no expectations. I like having optimistic expectations. In case you’re into manifestation, optimistic expectation is one thing that’s talked about there. What I feel a extra correct saying is, isn’t any attachment, no disappointment. Or if we don’t interpret issues in a disappointing approach, no disappointment, as a result of that’s the way it really works. However when we now have this concept that I’m disenchanted as a result of I’ve an expectation, that’s not totally correct, we expect or the expectation wasn’t met, due to this fact, disappointments simply going to naturally come. So if I simply eliminated the expectation, I gained’t really feel disenchanted.

However is it attainable to have an expectation to have that expectation not be met, and to not really feel disenchanted, primarily based on the story that we inform ourselves. So with all that stated, I’m going to get into these 4 sensible steps you possibly can comply with to beat the concern of disappointment. The primary and that is so vital, and I by no means hear anybody discussing this, which is why I actually need to ensure you take note of this step, that is a very powerful. Why is it so unhealthy to really feel disenchanted? Like why are we going to such nice lengths to keep away from feeling disenchanted? Why is it one thing we even must concern? And why is it one thing we have to overcome the concern of.

I really need you to start out interested by that. Why is disappointment so unhealthy? We’ve talked earlier than on the podcast we talked about about this in PGSD, concerning the feeling of disgrace, it’s a painful emotion. And but, it doesn’t really really feel that unhealthy. Like once we actually let ourselves really feel it. For me, for instance, my face feels sizzling, my coronary heart fee goes up, my palms get a bit sweaty, I’ve this sense and just like the pit of my abdomen. Nevertheless it’s not that unhealthy. Once I actually really get linked to feeling that feeling. What’s actually painful is absolutely attempting to withstand it. However once we enable ourselves to really feel the sensation, it’s not so unhealthy. And I simply need you to be interested by how far you will have been going out of your solution to keep away from disappointment. When it won’t be that unhealthy in spite of everything.

It won’t even be price attempting to keep away from. However nobody talks about this, we simply say, Oh, we don’t need to be disenchanted, duh. So let’s simply attempt to keep away from that by setting these sensible small little child objectives. So that you simply at all times obtain every part you need to obtain. You at all times get that participation ribbon and also you by no means really feel disenchanted. Which doesn’t work. However why can we even say that? Why don’t we simply skip over that disappointment won’t even be that unhealthy in spite of everything. It’s form of just like the dialog round success that usually we don’t discuss like why is it that we need to achieve success?

We simply discuss in fact you need to achieve success, right here’s learn how to do it. After all you don’t need to be disenchanted right here’s learn how to keep away from it. However actually we are able to examine why we expect feeling disenchanted is even so unhealthy. So why are we terrified of feeling that emotion? What are we making that disappointment imply about us? Are we making it imply? That if I disenchanted now we’re at all times going to disappoint ourselves sooner or later? Are you making it imply that we are able to by no means obtain something that we’re not lovable? Which I feel every part comes right down to that, that we’re unfit of affection and connection? That why are we considering it’s so unhealthy? Why do we have to go to such nice lengths to keep away from it. So please actually sit with that’s disappointment actually so unhealthy?

Do we actually must keep away from setting huge objectives and desires simply to keep away from this potential of disappointment. And I do know when your perfectionism handbrake has been on, and you’ve got skilled that disenchanted feeling. Nicely, you’ve in all probability tried to withstand it, you in all probability haven’t really skilled it. However that disappointment has been there. And it may really feel painful once we’re decoding it as properly. This implies I’m not adequate, which is what we do. And that handbrakes on. To say, this implies I’m not adequate. I don’t need to really feel this manner. Once more, it feels shitty to have affirmation that I’m not adequate, which once more, is simply our interpretation, this feels shitty. So what I’m going to do is I’m going to play a cool with my objectives with my plans, I’m not going to hope for an excessive amount of no expectations, no disappointment. However in case you’re the form of one that’s listening to this podcast, , you will have potential, you’re sensible, you’re clever, you will have so much to supply, there are individuals you need to assist.

So it’s in the end disappointing to dwell your life in a approach designed to keep away from disappointment. In order that’s step one, examine that. Actually get clear on that. Since you may be like, hey, really, it’s not so unhealthy. And I’m prepared to have disappointment be one of many many feelings that I’m going to expertise. After which we are able to form of simply put this complete factor apart, however let’s transfer on to step two, which is to create a giant aim. So in PGSD, we now have our PGSDers set what we name an unattainable aim. This isn’t a aim that’s really unattainable. A variety of instances its aim has been achieved by 1000s, if not thousands and thousands of individuals earlier than. Nevertheless it’s a aim that your mind presently believes is unattainable for you primarily based in your beliefs you will have about your self, your self picture, your identification, your notion of your present talents.

Once more, it’s all about notion is our mind is mistaken, when it thinks his aim is unattainable, however we name it an unattainable aim as a result of it feels unattainable. After we set it and as an alternative of bringing our beliefs down, or sorry, our objectives down to fulfill our beliefs. We put our aim up, after which we do the work in PGSD, on bringing your beliefs, your self picture, your identification, your talents, as much as meet your aim. So once more, a variety of instances individuals say okay, to keep away from disappointment, set a practical aim, one thing is definitely achievable. However how do we all know what’s sensible, what’s sensible to us on the subject of aim setting relies on our notion of our personal talents.

And a variety of instances when that handbrake has been on, we now have a really warped notion, we don’t assume we’re that nice, we don’t assume we are able to do something. And it’s most probably that you’ve got two issues happening without delay. So you will have a variety of self doubt, you will have a variety of insecurity. However you additionally deeply consider in your potential, and that you’re right here to do wonderful issues, and that you’ll positively succeed. And also you form of have these two contradictory beliefs without delay. So it may be form of arduous to reconcile that generally. Like, I actually doubt myself, and I don’t have a lot self esteem. And I actually consider myself and I do know I’m going to achieve success, we are able to form of child ourselves into considering we consider in ourselves greater than we do, or into considering we don’t consider in ourselves as a lot as we really do.

However that aim and any form of aim setting, whether or not it’s sensible, relies on our notion. Usually once more, our misinformed notion that’s coming from our limiting beliefs, and the deepest darkest fears and insecurities we now have, not from that optimistic facet of us that does consider in our potential, and does consider that we’re able to attaining wonderful issues. So when individuals say set a practical aim, what they often imply is ready a aim you’ve already achieved, however make it just a little bit greater. So that you both must do it just a little sooner, just a little tougher, just a little longer. Such as you’d have to only change what you’re doing barely, however you wouldn’t must grow to be a brand new model of your self. Like, if it’s sensible, it means your current day self may obtain it.

It may be difficult to your current your self to attain however you wouldn’t must shift identities you wouldn’t must grow to be the following model of you. What we would like you to have you ever do for this second step. And in case you’re a PGSDer all of the instruments are in PGSD that can assist you do that, to have you ever create your unattainable aim. In order that disappointment is on the desk. I do know, that doesn’t sound nice. There’s a variety of different causes we set this unattainable aim as properly. However we really need to open ourselves as much as disappointment, remembering once more, perhaps disappointment isn’t so unhealthy, perhaps it isn’t price going to this point out of our solution to keep away from.

However once we enable ourselves to have disappointment as an choice, and hey, perhaps we skilled disappointment, and we are able to course of that and reframe that, then we’re like, hey, really, that wasn’t so unhealthy. So I can set myself one other aim, am I so a lot better for having these huge objectives and striving in direction of them with all the expansion that comes with that as an alternative of getting these little tiny child objectives which can be solely just a bit bit additional than what we’ve accomplished earlier than. In order that we are able to at all times really feel achieved and by no means must really feel disappointment. As a result of what occurs if in case you’re setting all these small, little sensible objectives for your self? Even in case you obtain them, you’re not like, Oh, my God, I can’t consider I did that. I’ve simply fully blown my very own thoughts. I’m so happy with myself, that was such a giant problem. I can’t consider you’re like, cool. Yep, take subsequent. It’s not satisfying to do this. It’s like these participation ribbons that don’t act like we’re attempting to provide ourselves that participation ribbon.

And it doesn’t really assist us really feel achieved. In the identical approach that everybody getting a participation ribbon. It doesn’t assist them really feel achieved, both. So set that huge aim for your self that unattainable aim, so that you’re really opening your self as much as disappointment, it’s essential that you simply try this. Can’t inform I don’t advocate sensible objectives. Now, I’ll say, I imply, going into this in PGSD, you will have one unattainable aim, you don’t do that for each space of your life. You want some sensible objectives in sure areas, in order that your mind doesn’t freak the fuck out.

As a result of if you’re setting an unattainable aim, which requires you to principally kill the present model of your self and reimagine your self and step into this new identification, in case you’re attempting to do this, with enterprise, with well being and health, with relationships with every part with spirituality, it’ll freak your mind out, it’s an excessive amount of change, it feels approach too harmful. Even only one unattainable aim will really feel harmful to your mind, as a result of it’s calling issues into query. So in case you try this, for each space of your life, it’s going to be an excessive amount of to your mind, it’s going to insurgent. And also you won’t be able to make any progress in any way.

So what we need to have you ever do is simply have one unattainable aim. So I like to recommend having that aim being round your corporation, particularly if it’s the primary time you’re doing it, although it may be round different issues. But when your handbrake is on on the subject of enterprise, set a aim round enterprise and permit your self to have some sensible objectives in different areas of your life. So for instance, for myself, my unattainable aim this 12 months is round enterprise. And I’ve a variety of different issues happening as properly. I’m not simply my enterprise, my enterprise isn’t me. However I’m not attempting to grow to be this complete new model of myself in each space. After all, there are some circumstances that can create that although.

So for instance, I’m about to have a child on the time of recording this. So that’s going to power an identification disaster upon me in that evolution. However we actually need to be ensuring that we’re not attempting to have these enormous objectives in each single space of our life, simply decide one, and permit the remaining to be on upkeep mode, so to talk. So to actually be taught the teachings from pursuing that aim, the advantages will trickle over into each space of your life anyway. However as I stated earlier than, one of many errors that we make when the handbrake is on is we set a number of objectives. And we use that as a type of self sabotage and a solution to let ourselves off the hook. As a result of we are able to at all times blame lack of feat, on the truth that we’ve bought so many objectives in the truth that we’re specializing in these different objectives. So I need you to have a giant aim, however to only have it’s round one space of your life.

The third step is to permit your self to really feel disenchanted. As I discussed, as soon as you’re conscious that your ideas create your emotions, and that you simply think about your self to be somebody who’s self conscious and so forth who is wise and clever, it’s very simple to then go into shaming your self for having unhealthy emotions, quote, unquote, they aren’t really unhealthy emotions. However we need to decide and outline them as like optimistic emotion, adverse emotion. Most of us I feel we put disappointment in that adverse facet of issues. So we are able to disgrace ourselves for that and say, I do know higher than to be feeling disenchanted. I do know it is a studying alternative. I do know that I’m rising. I do know this. I do know that. However what I need you to do, this takes apply, particularly in case you haven’t been doing this and also you in all probability haven’t been as a result of we now have we don’t get taught to do that, sadly, is to permit your self to be with the frustration.

What does that really feel like in your physique? Describe it. What are these sensations? The place do you are feeling it in case you needed to describe these bodily sensations to somebody who’s like, what’s disenchanted really really feel like I’ve by no means felt that earlier than. And also you needed to get current not simply to the ideas you will have once you really feel disenchanted, as a result of a variety of instances once we are attempting to clarify how we really feel, we are going to share the ideas that create the sensation. That’s useful to know. However what we additionally need to do at this stage is to determine this bodily sensations we expertise when we now have a sure feeling, I discover every time I do that, I’m like, Oh, I can’t even actually describe it. It’s form of so imprecise, and never that painful that I can’t even pinpoint precisely the place I’m feeling it.

However we need to enable ourselves to be with that disappointment, even when we all know higher, quote, unquote, than to be feeling that approach. And I discover as properly, once I do that, that I need to simply leap proper out of disappointment and go into the fourth step, which is reframing that have. So I attempt to get proper right into a optimistic emotion in a short time. Of Yeah, I’m disenchanted, however I shouldn’t be as a result of really, it was successful. And right here’s why. And right here’s what I’m studying and all of that form of stuff. And sure, we need to get into that development mindset. We’re decoding issues in that approach. Nevertheless it’s not going to work except we first course of the sensation that we’re having. And we course of that feeling with out disgrace or judgement that.

So you have to get current to the way it feels bodily in your physique, how would you describe it to another person, and permit that feeling to get as huge because it must get and to be there for so long as it must be there. Oftentimes on the subject of feeling our emotions, we now have an agenda, we are saying to ourselves, consciously or not, we are saying I’m prepared to really feel this sense. So I can get right into a optimistic feeling shortly. And so we really feel it as a method to an finish. However the one solution to actually course of that feeling is to permit it to be that for so long as it must be there to get as huge because it must get as intense because it must get. With out this agenda of I’m processing this, so I can really feel higher later to only be like I’m permitting this sense to be right here, I’m going to permit myself to be disenchanted.

And with this, it may be simple to assume that we’re going to finish up having this enormous pity social gathering, and it’s gonna go on for weeks and weeks and weeks have would simply be all woe is me, I didn’t obtain my aim, or this didn’t occur, I didn’t get the job, or no matter it’s, didn’t get the consumer, they didn’t enroll, I didn’t make sufficient cash, no matter. That weight is gonna be this enormous outdated pity social gathering. However really that pity social gathering that solely comes from resisting the frustration. It’s solely once we aren’t prepared to really feel disenchanted. And we hold attempting to leap into optimistic with out really processing it that that pity social gathering simply continues and it turns into very self indulgent. And generally we use that as a type of procrastination.

As a result of once we’re pitting ourselves, we don’t must do something. So you possibly can concentrate on that as properly. You may give your self a restrict, I might advocate although you don’t. And also you simply really get curious as to how lengthy that feeling hangs round for as a result of what I’ve discovered and lots of others too, is that once you enable your self to really feel a sense correctly with no agenda, it doesn’t cling round lengthy. It’s like our brains. Like Oh, okay. Subsequent, however once we’re resisting it, and if you concentrate on attempting to carry an inflatable seashore ball below the water, which is what we’re doing, once we’re resisting, we simply it simply retains going, we now have to maintain pushing that down. It simply retains wanting to return up. And it goes on and on and on till ultimately it bursts by means of. But when we enable that ball, simply to take a seat there calmly on the water.

It’s not gonna like our brains identical to okay, what’s subsequent as a result of that is boring. And so that you might need by no means skilled that earlier than. In case you haven’t allowed your self to undergo this, what I discover is it takes often 5 to 10 minutes, generally an hour, it relies on what emotion it’s. However generally it may form of cling round for a short while. However once I enable myself and get myself I imply, I once I say enable I imply like power myself, it doesn’t really feel snug to do that. And I’m not like yay, can’t wait to take a seat down and really feel this sense. But when I’m like okay, I really feel disenchanted. I’m going to journal about it. Sure. But additionally that I’m simply going to take a seat with this sense bodily, like shut my eyes and get current to the place it’s in my physique. It goes so shortly that pity social gathering doesn’t occur. It’s solely once I’m resisting that emotion that that occurs. In order that’s the third step.

And the fourth step is to reframe that have. Solely after you have felt that feeling of disappointment when you’ve really allowed your self to go there. So why did this taking place the precise approach it was meant to? Is the form of factor you will be asking your self, how is that this taking place for me? Why is my future self going to be so grateful that issues ended up taking place this manner? However we are able to’t leap proper to that. I do know we need to. And I do too. I need to leap proper there. And I don’t really enable myself to really feel heard, and to really feel seen, and to really feel like these feelings, I’m having these ideas I’m having are okay to have. We simply shut ourselves down and say, no, you shouldn’t be feeling that approach. It’s a studying expertise. No, you shouldn’t be feeling that approach. It’s going to work out.

And oftentimes once we speak to a good friend, that’s what they’ll say, they are going to say, hey, it’s not so unhealthy. Like, they’ll go into reframing that. What we actually want first is for the good friend or the coach, or whoever it’s for ourselves, particularly, to say, Yeah, it sucks. And it’s okay that you simply really feel prefer it sucks. And it’s okay that no matter you’re feeling, no matter these ideas are, that you simply’re having, that’s all okay. After all, you are feeling that approach. After all, you assume that. Not in some form of condescending approach. However in a Hey, it’s okay. You possibly can have these ideas, you possibly can have these emotions. It’s once we don’t really feel like somebody’s listening to us, together with ourselves that like, no, no, you don’t get it. That was such a giant letdown. I had all my hopes pinned on that occuring, and it didn’t occur the best way I wished to. Or no matter that scenario is, we don’t really feel heard. We’re simply gonna hold having these ideas till they get heard. Till that seashore ball comes up the floor.

So we have to go, hey, guess I hear you. That sucks. It actually, actually sucks. And a approach you possibly can apply this as properly, is when a good friend or your accomplice, or anybody involves you, and so they’re saying I really feel so disenchanted that blah, blah, occurred to apply being with them. And letting them be with that feeling. To say, yeah, it does suck. What does that really feel like for you inform me extra about that. Like to really enable them to voice all of that, as an alternative of as people, like, we would like everybody to really feel good. It’s extra snug for us when everybody feels good, and everybody’s completely satisfied. And particularly if we haven’t apply processing these feelings ourselves. And once I apply that being with disappointment, in fact, we don’t need to be with another person who’s been disenchanted. So we go, okay, what can I do to make it higher? Hey, it wasn’t so unhealthy. Hey, let’s go and attempt to ignore this fully. And you need to keep busy and deal with one thing else. Strive not to consider how disenchanted it’s like, no really say to that particular person. It sucks. Yeah, it’s disappointing, isn’t it? Inform me extra about that. What does that really feel like for you and like letting them go into that may actually enable you on the subject of your self.

Since you’ll be extra snug being with disappointment. And also you’re doing such an ideal service to that good friend that cherished one which accomplice, that colleague, whoever it’s, however to only discover as properly how uncomfortable it does really feel when somebody is feeling disenchanted. And we need to repair it by getting them right into a optimistic emotion. And we get pissed off generally once they hold feeling disenchanted. Nevertheless it’s as a result of they’re resisting that emotion. And we’re not serving to them to really feel it both. So apply that with a good friend or no matter it’s gonna come up at some point, somebody shall be disenchanted about one thing and also you’ll have the selection to be with them and the frustration and permit them to course of that or to attempt to leap to the reframing too quickly. And it’s coming from an excellent place. There’s good intentions behind it. However we don’t need to leap there too quickly.

We have now to essentially acknowledge these ideas and people emotions, course of them. After which we’re in a spot to reframe them. And in case you’ve been attempting to reframe issues, and also you’re questioning why it’s not working, and why you continue to hold having these disappointing ideas. It’s since you haven’t allowed your self to really feel disenchanted, and the reframing gained’t work till you’ve allowed your self to do this. So simply to summarise the 4 steps to beat the concern of disappointment. examine why feeling disenchanted is even so unhealthy. Whether it is, the second step is to create a giant aim. So in case you’re PGSD, that’s an unattainable aim for only one space of your life so you possibly can open your self as much as disappointment, which additionally means you’re opening your self as much as success, fulfilment, all these different issues too, once we shut off the potential for disappointment. We’re shutting off the chance for fulfilment and all these feelings on the opposite finish as properly.

Step three, enable your self to really feel disenchanted, even when higher than to be feeling disenchanted. When that occurs when these circumstances come up in your mind robotically has a thought that creates a sense of disappointment. Don’t disgrace your self for considering that approach. Simply enable your self to be with that disappointment. To essentially be with it with out agenda. After which 4 is to reframe that have, solely after you have felt the frustration. So I hope this episode has been useful in case you have been actually setting your sights low, in order to keep away from disappointment, or perhaps you haven’t, like there’s one thing you need to do, and also you haven’t even tried pursuing it, since you’re so satisfied that you simply’re going to disappoint your self, have a go along with these steps. In case you’re a PGSDer, and you’re feeling disenchanted, I extremely advocate getting on a training name at the moment or posting on the PGSD kind as properly, we are able to actually enable you really feel that disappointment and like maintain the house for you clearly we’re not gonna attempt to make you are feeling worse, however we are going to maintain the house for you and enable you to course of that and actually come out of that disappointment higher off than in case you hadn’t skilled it. And be I hope this has been useful. I hope you’re having an attractive day and I’ll speak to you within the subsequent episode.

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